Government spending on environmental projects in an effort to stimulate the economy is all the rage these days. In light of the popularity of these projects, I would like to propose one of my own.
Studies estimate that the ocean erodes 2 to 3 feet off the eastern coast, on average, every year. If this is allowed to persist, and assuming a similar rate of erosion on the west coast, the United States could disappear in approximately 2,288,000 years!
So, in the spirit of saving our imminently threatened existence, I propose that the federal government pay me to lay on the beach. I promise to stay in one spot in order to keep all the sand underneath me from washing into the ocean. This will accomplish the environmental objective of my project by protecting our endangered sand.
In addition, I promise I will take the money the government pays me and spend it at a beachfront bar on oysters and beer (I need nourishment anyway, right?) This will provide the local beachfront bar with additional sales, so that it can hire more bartenders and servers to bring my orders out to me. The bar owner will be making additional money that he can spend on new flatscreen TVs for the bar, stimulating the local electronics store. The additional employees will all spend their wages and tips in the local economy as well. From here, the multiplier will carry forward my stimulus to the beachfront community in the form of higher sales and additional employment, all while protecting the environment.
Environment: Saved.
Economy: Stimulated.
Me: Wasted away again...
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